6 May 2024

‘If I put my baby up for adoption…’ Myths That Birthparents Hear

There are so many misconceptions about adoption that expectant and birth parents hear when they start thinking about adoption for their baby. These are just a few.

‘The adoptive parents won’t follow through in an open adoption’

This myth might be the one most heard by birth parents. It’s often expressed by their loved ones, maybe out of a fear that the birth parent will be disappointed, hurt, or even tricked after they placed baby for adoption. But instead, we know that open adoption relationships are usually strong and enduring. Adoptive parents understand that they must honor the spirit of openness in adoption, if that’s what the birth parents want. They learn how to maintain a positive relationship, and they know that openness is generally best for their child, for the birth parents, and even for themselves. In fact, we often know of open relationships growing to be even more open than first planned for, when it’s what everyone is comfortable with.

‘Adoption damages the child’ and ‘my child will hate me’

Research simply does not support these myths. We spend a lot of time educating adoptive parents on the importance of openly talking with their child about adoption – talking positively about the birth parents and supporting and encouraging an open relationship. ‘Knowledge is power’ and the more information about the circumstances of adoption that can be shared over time with the child, the more likely they are to understand, respect, and love their birth parents for the choices they made. With openness and honesty, adoptive parents help to ensure that the child has every opportunity to understand, accept, and own their personal adoption story, making them uniquely resilient, empathic, and grounded in who they are as a person.

‘No one can love my baby like I can’

This one might be truer than first thought. An expectant mom who’s planning adoption feels a unique love for her child, a love that’s like none other. It’s a sacrificial love, a deep feeling of love without any expectation that the love will be returned. It is love that gets expressed by giving the child what she thinks is best for the child even if it’s the most painful thing she will ever do.

Yet, another side of this myth is the fear that the child won’t be well-loved by the adoptive parents. And this is simply not true. Most adoptive parents go through years of hoping for and dreaming about becoming parents before bringing their new child home. They go through the arduous process of approval, including learning about attachment and bonding, talking with the child about being adopted, and providing positive and affirming care for the child that gives them every opportunity to grow to their fullest potential. It will be their good fortune to witness the child becoming exactly who they are meant to be – and this is a priceless treasure.

No matter what your relationship to adoption is, you can help by speaking against these myths with truth. Adoption IS an option that expectant parents should know about and be free to consider without the negative, and often untrue, misconceptions and myths.

We are here to help with a Michigan adoption, no pressure, no judgment, just facts.

Call :(989) 793-0000
Text :(989) 262-0032
Email: Info@adoptionpartnersmi.org

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